Dear Yourself,

You've finally come to realize that you are coming to an evolution within your being. You're not a little girl any more and you're not exactly what everyone claims you to be. See you're starting to shine through your dark patches, you're not needing someone to recognize everything you do any more...you're more wanting of your own acceptance, you've hit your fork in the road and now it's time you chose a path...the path of your dreams or the path of  complete knowledge of everything. Now that you've found out what the fork in the road is...maybe it's time for you to enjoy life's mysteries, or solve them all out. You're already solving one of them and that is yourself. You've never really known yourself, you know people though. I believe for this time you've been running away from yourself and your outlet of that is helping people solve their problems and their own minds...when in all reality you don't even know your own; but you have to know something since you're able to help others with their mind games and such. You know this though and you know it's not healthy, so maybe that is why you've come to face it right this very moment...maybe that is why you've been arguing with yourself and trying to push away all the things you see in the mirror. You're not a disease you know, I know when you look in the mirror you're not happy with anything you see, you're reflection, your guilty eyes, your shoulder length hair, your thoughts or anything to do with yourself. But let me tell you something beautiful, you are someone special you are someone who can help people and you are a piece of art work; just like everyone else in this lovely world...so stop thinking of yourself as a disease and start looking at everything, but your flaws...because you're over analyzing yourself, the more you push yourself away the more it's going to come and follow you; the point you can't run away from yourself anymore because you,
Are you.
You're not what people think you are, you're not as beautiful, nor are you as innocent as a beautiful rose blooming on a sweet scented day. You're starting too face yourself, starting to realize that what you have is what you have to work with; it's nothing fancy just a simple piece of pre-molded clay...it's been molded by all the people around you, all but you. Your peers, your dad, your brother, your aunts, your cousins, your uncles, your boyfriend, your cat, your dad's girlfriends...everyone, but you and now it's about time you take control of your life and decide what is best for you...no one, but you. This is going to be the hardest step you'll ever take...because you're just not used to the focus being on you...you're always worrying about someone else and now, there is no one else...it's only you in your head, in your soul, in your room, in your music...no one but you.
Your first wake up call was your boyfriend, he was your first helper in all of this. He helped you start accepting compliments and learn from your replayed mistakes. He didn't even have to do anything, he just was himself: persistent, loving, caring and completely understanding. This boy that has stepped into your life is not only a miracle for you, but you're a miracle for him. It may, or may not last, but no matter what when you leave this world, he'll be the one who helped you accept yourself and be yourself. He'll be the one who cared deeply about you and was your first true love. You'll always care about him, and you'll always be there for him in friends and in heart because your first true love never quite leaves you behind in the smoldering dust.  
Your second calling was your dad's girlfriend. You grew up around her and took her every move and carved it into your heart. You became a miniature her, you see she is just like you; only a older more damaged soul, who is finally starting to blossom into a gorgeous flower. She was not perfect, nor was she someone you could always count on...but she was there and she helped everyone pre-mold you without even a single knowledge of it. She fights with her emotion and logic just as you do, she runs away from herself just as you do, she cries at night because of all the people she's hurt in the mean time of finding herself just as you do, she has trust issues with ones close to her just as you do, she can only handle so much attention on her just as you do, when she was young she always wanted to wear that leather jacket and feel like a bad ass just as you do, she's always had to worry about someone else just as you do, she never focused on herself just as you do...don't you see the similarity? She didn't have the chance that you're giving yourself now, she had to run from herself all the way until now...she had to take care of everyone else, but her until now...now you're both free souls and now you're both stepping out of your cozy shells and facing the reality of yourselves. You are a younger version of her.

Your third calling was someone that depends on you almost completely, she is your best friend and has opened your eyes to something that just can't, and or will never be forgotten. She's taught you that not only are you, you, but she's also taught you that no matter what inevitably you are going to have to face yourself, because running from what makes you happy and hiding everything throughout your body; cramming it all the way to your finger tips...is not the key to your life. You have to eventually share yourself with someone, eventually trust someone because if you don't you'll end up killing yourself. She has showed me that anything is possible and that people may call you nuts for believing in something that seems so close to impossible and yet you believe it, because things in this world are some times completely unexplainable...science won't explain it and nor will emotion...it's just there and you've got to just except it.

Now since you have started to glance at yourself and see what you do and don't like...it's time to just point it all out. You don't like who you've become because it's someone of a hypocrite, at times a liar, forgetful, hurting, unforgiving, completely stuck in your ways, your guilty, jealous, and quite the fighter. You like yourself because you see yourself as full of compassion, wise, sweet, fun, social, open minded, quiet, loud, you can help people and mysterious. You enjoy the chase of life and when it's over you just can't stand it. Sometimes you find yourself throwing people out when you find them as useless and not as interesting, it's something you can't stand, but at the time couldn't help it. So now this is your chance...become the change you want to be.

Love,
Eelear